What To Do When You Feel So Angry With Yourself?

“Kindness is more important than wisdom and
the recognition of this is the beginning of wisdom.” 
― Theodore Isaac Rubin (born April 1923)
I have an interesting question for you: Have you ever felt so angry with yourself that no matter how much you tell yourself to get off, it you couldn’t?

Well, this happened to me earlier today. Something happened, and I was so furious with myself. I did what many people do in bad situations.

I blamed myself.

Until then I honestly did not realize how much anger I could hold against myself

direction-631854_1920Any expressed anger, especially against oneself is tricky. You see, at some level,  you understand that you are responsible for the unfortunate situation occurring in the first place. When you calm down, you realize that you a) either acted impulsively without thinking through the consequences or b) habitually blame someone, like a spouse or a child when you get angry. Anger is a learned behavior to deal with the unpleasantness in our lives. Even anger at oneself, as in my case when there was no one else to blame.

So how are we supposed to handle these messy and unpleasant situations? No one likes to be in the company of an angry person.

In my case, before the situation went out of control, I took ten deep breaths and let the first wave of the anger energy dissipate.

You see in the olden days in Japan, Japanese parents would teach their children a very simple method of controlling their anger. They say, whenever you feel angry, do not do anything with your anger, just start taking deep breaths. Try it, and you will not be able to get mad.

Why is this?

If you start taking deep breaths, it is impossible for the anger to come out. If you are consciously taking deep breaths, then the anger cannot express itself. Anger, if you have noticed it, requires a different breathing pattern. You need not do it; anger will do it. With deep breathing, you cannot be angry.

And secondly, your mind shifts. When you feel angry and you start to take deep breaths, your mind shifts from focusing on anger to focusing on breathing. The body is not in a state to be angry and the mind has shifted its concentration to something else. Then it’s difficult to be angry. That is why the Japanese are the most controlled people! It is just training from childhood.

Thirdly, in my case, I also did something else to handle my anger: I looked in the mirror expecting not to like myself.

Then something really miraculous happened!

The face looking back at me decided to smile. And I realized something… I liked myself.

Why?

The person looking back at me was a kind person. I was flawed in many ways but It occurred to me that being kind was good. (If that goodness energy can be channeled correctly!)

No matter what stupid mistakes I was going to make in the future, I also bring positive change and happiness to people in my life. I thought of Rea, my 6-year-old friend who says: “I like you. You are nice!

What a cool revelation!

Please feel free to read what others think and maybe leave your comments here what you think of this article and the ways you handle anger.

Click here if you’d like to schedule a complimentary 15 minute session with Dr. Vijaya.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.